Every Housewife's Wet Dream

After 9 and a half weeks, Micky Rourke was a bonafide star. No longer the student vagabond, but every housewife's wet dream. i knew even my daughter loved him.

i'd walked into breakfast just yesterday and the wife was poring over him, dreamily, what? she asked back when i said i was leaving for work. jesus, huh.

i was driving to work that day, actually and i had the radio on. just the usual station, i don't really care what it is in the morning, right, i'm just trying to get to work.

but this morning, i hear it, that micky rourke is doing a signing at the mall right here in my neighbour. and you know what, i realise, i hadn't seen my daughter this morning. i usually see her right there at the breakfast bar before i leave. and the wife, i bet she was there already and i bet she was wetter than fucken bride.

well i turned that car left at the next lights and then right, left, right again and gimme ten more minutes and i was there. i parked underneath in the carpark and loosening my tie and caught the lift to the first floor.

it was a long mall and a post told me the signing was up the other end, in a little central plaza area, between a music store and the foodcourt.

Okay, i thought to myself, plan of attack. well, first things first, i had a few hours to kill and secondly, i didn't want my wife or daughter to see me here. so i went back downstairs to the car and took it out for a drive where i grabbed a cup of coffee and a quick sandwich, which i could hardly eat. i was so fucken nervey and angry.

i drove the car back to the mall and parked on the same level. by now a crowd was gathered and i could hear an MC juicing them up for the big event. jesus i could imagine the both of them now. i bet my daughter had on a sweater, to hide her uniform. i bet she had on a whole load of makeup too. ah fuck.

i took an escelator from the first floor to the second so's i could keep my eye on the crowd. there was no way i'd be able to get close now on the first floor, which was my own damn fault.

up on the second floor i pushed my way closer and closer. there was an electronics store on my right and i'd been using that as the excuse to push through the crowd. just as i got to the door of it, i heard a huge cheer and through the melee i could see some bodyguards leading micky out from some hallway.

fast as i could, acting like the biggest asshole i could, i bought this big stereo. Present for the kid, i said. yeah, they're sixteen. i paid cash and said look, can you hurry it up. i'll wrap it myself at home i just gotta get it and get going.

so i had the stereo in this big box. speakers, sub, the lot. using it as a ram,i pushed out through the crowd and below i could hear micky giving out some speech about how he was happy to be hear, thanks for coming you lovely ladies... and gentlemen of course... hahahaa. that asshole.

i got to the railing, some biddy next to me cursing. i saw micky about five metres away and fifteen below. i raised the stereo as best i could and hoisted it out at him. a few people yelled and he turned and looked up at the stereo coming at him. the fluorescent lights glinted off his ray bans, but he was quick and hipped just out the way and the stereo fell right onto the girl he'd gotten up from the crowd to show everyone. my goddamn wife caught a stereo right in the head and smashed it open on a planter box. she was out cold on the floor and blood was spreading out like a pancake on the white tiles.

ah fuck, the fucken wife. the fucken. fuck.

How I Die In The Past #1

I got shot in the head in world war one.

How I Die In The Future #2

After getting divorced from my wife, when i'm 46 (2035), I don't care about much. I don't have a kid because she was baren (and that was a constant sore point) and I don't have a good job, so i'm not really independent. I go out to some dinners and go on singles' websites. i jack off a lot too, i enjoy myself in a certain boyish way.

anyway, one day i just had a really shit day and couldn't bare to go back to work, so i went and jumped off the story bridge and smashed myself into pieces on the concrete bikepath below. when i was about to do it, some person was in the hotel that looks onto the spot and they screamed out at me, but i gave them the ups right before i jumped.

This would suck....

Okay, so it was a Thursday morning and I walked out of my front gate at about 11.15AM to get the bus just round the corner at 11.19AM.

It was good that since the NAZIS took over Brisbane.... at least the bus ran on time.

I had to turn left out of my house, to get to the stop, at least, I used to have to. The new Nazi rulers were really irritating, so they made us always go right, which meant I had to walk round the block. Part of that was, I had to walk past the house of these two brothers I went to school with... who are now dead, even though they must've been at least 2nd generation, being Chinese they still got killed and now these retards from wherever, Germany or Logan or some shit live there, which SUCKS.

So i go to get the bus and when I'm at the bus stop, there're these full-on Nazi supporters there, also waiting to get the bus. They are kind of menacing, but like, the nazis only took over about a year ago, so it's still kind of retarded seeming when you see these people who used to just be all normal (i've lived in this suburb my whole life) suddenly get all crazy and in with the naazi thing.


ANYWAY we wait and then the bus pulls up, on time. I let some of them, the ones who got there before me, get on first and then i go to get on. I pull my Bus Card out of my pocket and go to zap it on the machine.... and it doesn't zap. I try again, but nothing happens... I look up at the driver, "what, man, I don't know what's happening, this worked perfectly yesterday."

I'm scared and I am also late for uni. The driver looks at me and I look at him and up the bus, where everyone is looking back at me... jesus, I am the idiot here.

The driver says, "get off the bus"

I say, "ah, can't you let me on, i'm late for uni and i'll just recharge later, i promise."

The driver says to me, "no"

"you are a dick" I mutter, as i petulantly turn to getoff the bus.

"HEY!!!!!!" this do-gooder sitting behind the driver screams, "I HEARD THAT!!!!"

THEy get UP and come and grab me by the back of my shirt and throw me right out of the bus onto the nature strip/footpath and graze my hands and hit my chin a bit.

"YOU ARE A LITTLE SHIT, LET ME TELL YOU, YOU ANIMAL, DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF FAIR PAYING AGAIN!!!!"

I look back up at the guy, shocked and scared, but the doors have closed already and the bus drives off.................

It'll probably be a well curated selection of men's ephemerea, accompanied by a well-informed discussion of style and what constitutes this as well as

- I'm thinking of starting a blog, what do you think?

- Hmmm, I'm not sure, what'll it be on?

- Well, things I like, but with a focus on style, more than fashion. Because I think that fashion is really fleeting, but style is something that is lifelong and encompasses a lot more than just the clothes you wear.

- Yeah, that's an interesting point. It seems like it could be a good idea.

- Yeah, I think it will be.

- Oh cool, so so you have a name for it or whatever?

- Yes, I do, I have called it; The Age of The GOlden Experience

- That sounds interesting

- Yeah, I really wanted something that sort of is ambiguous, but conveys a certain mood or emotion. Because the theme itself will not be any one thing, rather, whatever comes to mind or would appeal to an audience.

- Cool

- Yeah, anyway, I'll see you soon.

- Okay, bye, have a good day.

- Yeah, you too

"hello Julie"
"Hi, John, how are you?"
"Yeah, I am okay. How are you? what's up with your life at the moment?"
"ah oh yeah, not much, just getting around with uni. you know the drill"
"haha, oh yeah, me too"

last day of winter

I'm at the beach and it's a REALLY hot day. it was a real luck out, cos my aunty and uncle have this place up there, so i took a few friends for a few days and we'd been hangin loose from the bigsmoke. anyway i was lying on a towel about 20-30m from the water, a bit to the left of the flags if you're facing the ocean.

my friends were sitting/lying around me. a few guys and a few girls. it was right before summer really started and the only opportunity to get this place for the ol' family rate. after Thursday, it was families i think until easterish or at least I'd never get it again.

i was feeling pretty cool, being the guy with the smart hookups and stuff and it'd been a good day. i guess just the regular beach shit, but anyway, it was getting to the mid-arvey maybe 3.30ish we were a bit burnt and hanging about. we'd had some nice lunch and there was a bit of coke in the bottom of my can. it was sort of warm when i drank it and i guess not very fizzy. i crunched the can in my hand and put it in my bag. the taste of warm coke in my mouth made me want to hop back in the ocean, so i got up stretching and popped back in the blue.

it was really nice swimming again. my hair had been hardening with the salt and after lunch and that first excited dive-in it was a more luxuriant absorption.

I swam around there for a while; mostly jumping in the waves and doing a bit of underwater swimming. Sometimes I'm an alright body surfer, but not today. All my friends were still on the beachrelaxing, someone had their head down, licking a cigarette paper and the sun glinted off another's sunglasses as they cocked their head and waved back at me.

I was twentyish metres out, it was still quite shallow, but there was a nice swell running. It was really good and there was this group of girls at around nine o'clock, me facing the shore. They were maybe four metres away. Pretty shabby estimates, but we're in the surf so it's kind of hard. Plus, didn't want to seem like I was staring.

They were pretty hot girls, one was the hottest. She was local I assume; tan with pretty long hair. Already blonde, it'd been sunbleached and was pretty hot. I guess your generic sort of beachy girl and one I never get to hook up with. Still, they were all just swimming about, not hectic surfers or anything and there were no dudes about them.

I spent a fair bit of time idly watching them while trying not to look like an idiot in the waves. I think I made a few eyes at one or two of 'em. I guess there weren't many people swimming and we were closeish.

I'd dropped back a little and the girls were all mucking about and stuff. This big series of waves was building up and I was thinking of going in and bodysurfing it. I was too close to the shore, though, and the waves were breaking right where we were.

That stage where you don't know whether to dive under or jump up is always a good one. I'm kind of bad at it, but I like getting dumped anyway. The girls were pretty good at judging, so that was another good reason to keep an eye open.

A little ahead of them now and directly in front, I try to jump, but am smashed back. Tumbling head o'er heels I feel body against body and sand against body and finally I come up. Spluttering and half underwater I open my eyes and get to see her boobs for just a second, before she ducks into the protection of the foam, pulling her bikini back up.

I feel a bit too awkward, having bumped them all over. They know I'm some idiot from the city. I slink back onto the shore and plonk down on my towel and after I get a bit drier I roll a ciggie and think about how I wish I could've seen her boobs for longer.

cigs and a snack before bed

It's kind of late and Elise signs off from msn and turns on her office chair. she's facing the door now, of the office. her bedroom is out and to the right, just after the toilet. opposite the toilet is the bathroom; you would say, "go out and turn right and it's the first left." if you turn left, you get the loungeroom and the kitchen and all that crap, including the front of the house and balcony.

Elise is kind of hungry, I know she's old enough to do whatever she wants, but she still lives with her parents so she doesn't like to smoke in the house. Luckily, they're fast asleep. Firstly to her room to grab the smokes and then to the kitchen to get a snack.

Elise is thinking about what she'll eat, it's a pretty easy call. Even though it's right before bed, it's gonna be some cheese. there's a block of tasty cheddar in the door of the fridge and she cuts off a few slices. grabbing a handfull of jatz from a box while she's eating some of the thinner slices.

she's done all this in darkness and in the light of the fridge. she's lived here her whole life and once the fridge light was actually on the blink, but it didn't change much. of course, she wasn't smoking then, but she was eating cheese.

the front balcony is basically a sun-room. It had been a balcony that'd been made into a room, but during a big storm the roof was heavily damaged and the room got flooded. her parents ripped up the carpet and put in some large louvres, ceiling fan and rattan furniture. elise sits on a chaise-longe near an open panel of louvres and lights up. she has her plate of cheese and crackers on her knees and the smokes feels nice with bits of cheese between her teeth. she uses her tongue to dislodge them and tastes them again with another drag.

When she finishes the cigarette she stubs it out in the ashtray and hides it under some other butts. her parents smoke, but not the same brand as her. back in the kitchen, she dusts the crumbs off the plate and puts it in the sink. Some are stuck to her finger and she licks them off.

Elise does the usual things, she brushes her teeth and in the mirror of the bathroom, runs her fingers through her hair. she thinks about the day tomorrow. she reads for a bit, but can't really concentrate. she's pretty tired and so she turns the light off and goes to sleep.