Jun 5, 2011
My Death, In the Future #1
I walked out of the lift and looked left and looked right. Though the street was crowded, my bionic-communal-interactive-eyepiece scanned the people and saw nobody i knew at all, not even any mutual friends.
Another crap start to the day, I thought. Another crappy day of being a fucking loser. When I was younger, I was a pretty popular guy and I'd embraced the new media paradigm. I'd thought this would be the way of the future and was propelled by the excitement of something new.
Well, it is the way of the future, but all my friends are pastimists. they all dislike more than the basic handheld devices, which became outmoded years ago, but which still retain some vintage credence. Theirs tastes are cabled into this vintage aesthetic, but they also have the political conjohns to back it up and basically, after too many arguments, we've all drifted apart.
Now I live alone and like I said, I don't know a single person on the street.
Twelve hours later, I come back home and think, "I should do it oldschool, I should take the stairs... at least some of the way." I think a few flights will do me good and I can use the slow speed of the fire escelator to think about my future and what I can realistically do with it.
I'm riding up past the 39th floor, looking down at the receding ground. tenants aren't strictly supposed to ride the escelator unless it's an emergency.... but what the hell! live a little, right!
I notice something coming up at me, it's a secbot, which is a flying robot about the size of a basketball that has an artificial intelligence wiring and conducts security in our block. it's one of about twenty angry buzzards and this one suuuure iiiis aannnggrrryyy.
well, i think to myself, i'll not let myself be bossed around by some metal computer scrotum. when the machine gets to me, i try to slap it out of the air. it dodges me and i slap again. i slap too far and still don't connect. furthermore, i'm unbalance. i topple over the edge of the escelator and fall down, 41 flights of stairs.
the secbot tries to save me, but it gets crushed underneath me and we both die, man and machine in a horribly new cyborg form.
Another crap start to the day, I thought. Another crappy day of being a fucking loser. When I was younger, I was a pretty popular guy and I'd embraced the new media paradigm. I'd thought this would be the way of the future and was propelled by the excitement of something new.
Well, it is the way of the future, but all my friends are pastimists. they all dislike more than the basic handheld devices, which became outmoded years ago, but which still retain some vintage credence. Theirs tastes are cabled into this vintage aesthetic, but they also have the political conjohns to back it up and basically, after too many arguments, we've all drifted apart.
Now I live alone and like I said, I don't know a single person on the street.
Twelve hours later, I come back home and think, "I should do it oldschool, I should take the stairs... at least some of the way." I think a few flights will do me good and I can use the slow speed of the fire escelator to think about my future and what I can realistically do with it.
I'm riding up past the 39th floor, looking down at the receding ground. tenants aren't strictly supposed to ride the escelator unless it's an emergency.... but what the hell! live a little, right!
I notice something coming up at me, it's a secbot, which is a flying robot about the size of a basketball that has an artificial intelligence wiring and conducts security in our block. it's one of about twenty angry buzzards and this one suuuure iiiis aannnggrrryyy.
well, i think to myself, i'll not let myself be bossed around by some metal computer scrotum. when the machine gets to me, i try to slap it out of the air. it dodges me and i slap again. i slap too far and still don't connect. furthermore, i'm unbalance. i topple over the edge of the escelator and fall down, 41 flights of stairs.
the secbot tries to save me, but it gets crushed underneath me and we both die, man and machine in a horribly new cyborg form.
New Job Poems
Just got a new job, here are some poems i thought of to commemmorrate this event.
Working Sucks
Getting Paid Rules!!!
SMOKO
Having smoko's really fun
eating up a sticky bun
you can drink a can of coke
we can all be good blokes
Working Sucks
Getting Paid Rules!!!
SMOKO
Having smoko's really fun
eating up a sticky bun
you can drink a can of coke
we can all be good blokes
At the bus stop was sat two Africans, a brother and a sister. they both had tight jeans on and were eating macdonalds and chilling, waiting for the bus.
the sister was the older one and she pulled out her ipod and put some music on.
a white lady, in her late 20s and with a black linen frock and hairy/scratched legs went and sat next to them. she gave them a quick smile as she sat down. she was also listening to her ipod.
after ten minutes, a bus to inala came and the two kids got on. the white lady stayed seated and i checked her out again, hoping that even though i wasn't attracted to her she'd still look over to me and i'd get that cool eye contact.
Later on that evening, the african kids were having dinner at home...
"that lady who sat next to us stunk, could you smell her?"
"no, what did she smell like?"
"gross, like i dunno, a hippie. she smelled like west end"
"yuck, i hate that. i bet she felt cool sitting next to us"
"they always do"
"I know, they do"
the sister was the older one and she pulled out her ipod and put some music on.
a white lady, in her late 20s and with a black linen frock and hairy/scratched legs went and sat next to them. she gave them a quick smile as she sat down. she was also listening to her ipod.
after ten minutes, a bus to inala came and the two kids got on. the white lady stayed seated and i checked her out again, hoping that even though i wasn't attracted to her she'd still look over to me and i'd get that cool eye contact.
Later on that evening, the african kids were having dinner at home...
"that lady who sat next to us stunk, could you smell her?"
"no, what did she smell like?"
"gross, like i dunno, a hippie. she smelled like west end"
"yuck, i hate that. i bet she felt cool sitting next to us"
"they always do"
"I know, they do"
May 14, 2011
wow, something new and cool
Hey, just thought I would let all my read-derrs know.... that i made a new blog...not that this one is ever retired or something, but just to let you know that for your reading and ocular pleasures there is a new website called http://grossfood-buckethats.tumblr.com/ that you can look at for all your gross looking food or bucket hat pleasures. I hope that you enjoy it, all the best.
Theo
Theo
Apr 5, 2011
Is this cool, or stupid?
Just in case you've been away from the internet for the past 22 years, I started another stupid (awesome) blog, called http://grossfood-buckethats.tumblr.com so go and paste that into your explorer bar if you know how to do that and you know what's good and you're sure to be able to kill SOME time
This would suck....
Okay, so it was a Thursday morning and I walked out of my front gate at about 11.15AM to get the bus just round the corner at 11.19AM.
It was good that since the NAZIS took over Brisbane.... at least the bus ran on time.
I had to turn left out of my house, to get to the stop, at least, I used to have to. The new Nazi rulers were really irritating, so they made us always go right, which meant I had to walk round the block. Part of that was, I had to walk past the house of these two brothers I went to school with... who are now dead, even though they must've been at least 2nd generation, being Chinese they still got killed and now these retards from wherever, Germany or Logan or some shit live there, which SUCKS.
So i go to get the bus and when I'm at the bus stop, there're these full-on Nazi supporters there, also waiting to get the bus. They are kind of menacing, but like, the nazis only took over about a year ago, so it's still kind of retarded seeming when you see these people who used to just be all normal (i've lived in this suburb my whole life) suddenly get all crazy and in with the naazi thing.
ANYWAY we wait and then the bus pulls up, on time. I let some of them, the ones who got there before me, get on first and then i go to get on. I pull my Bus Card out of my pocket and go to zap it on the machine.... and it doesn't zap. I try again, but nothing happens... I look up at the driver, "what, man, I don't know what's happening, this worked perfectly yesterday."
I'm scared and I am also late for uni. The driver looks at me and I look at him and up the bus, where everyone is looking back at me... jesus, I am the idiot here.
The driver says, "get off the bus"
I say, "ah, can't you let me on, i'm late for uni and i'll just recharge later, i promise."
The driver says to me, "no"
"you are a dick" I mutter, as i petulantly turn to getoff the bus.
"HEY!!!!!!" this do-gooder sitting behind the driver screams, "I HEARD THAT!!!!"
THEy get UP and come and grab me by the back of my shirt and throw me right out of the bus onto the nature strip/footpath and graze my hands and hit my chin a bit.
"YOU ARE A LITTLE SHIT, LET ME TELL YOU, YOU ANIMAL, DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF FAIR PAYING AGAIN!!!!"
I look back up at the guy, shocked and scared, but the doors have closed already and the bus drives off.................
It was good that since the NAZIS took over Brisbane.... at least the bus ran on time.
I had to turn left out of my house, to get to the stop, at least, I used to have to. The new Nazi rulers were really irritating, so they made us always go right, which meant I had to walk round the block. Part of that was, I had to walk past the house of these two brothers I went to school with... who are now dead, even though they must've been at least 2nd generation, being Chinese they still got killed and now these retards from wherever, Germany or Logan or some shit live there, which SUCKS.
So i go to get the bus and when I'm at the bus stop, there're these full-on Nazi supporters there, also waiting to get the bus. They are kind of menacing, but like, the nazis only took over about a year ago, so it's still kind of retarded seeming when you see these people who used to just be all normal (i've lived in this suburb my whole life) suddenly get all crazy and in with the naazi thing.
ANYWAY we wait and then the bus pulls up, on time. I let some of them, the ones who got there before me, get on first and then i go to get on. I pull my Bus Card out of my pocket and go to zap it on the machine.... and it doesn't zap. I try again, but nothing happens... I look up at the driver, "what, man, I don't know what's happening, this worked perfectly yesterday."
I'm scared and I am also late for uni. The driver looks at me and I look at him and up the bus, where everyone is looking back at me... jesus, I am the idiot here.
The driver says, "get off the bus"
I say, "ah, can't you let me on, i'm late for uni and i'll just recharge later, i promise."
The driver says to me, "no"
"you are a dick" I mutter, as i petulantly turn to getoff the bus.
"HEY!!!!!!" this do-gooder sitting behind the driver screams, "I HEARD THAT!!!!"
THEy get UP and come and grab me by the back of my shirt and throw me right out of the bus onto the nature strip/footpath and graze my hands and hit my chin a bit.
"YOU ARE A LITTLE SHIT, LET ME TELL YOU, YOU ANIMAL, DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF FAIR PAYING AGAIN!!!!"
I look back up at the guy, shocked and scared, but the doors have closed already and the bus drives off.................
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